An example ‘Bite’ from the Behaviour series - “Go To Where They Are First”
Some students resist what we ask them to do. It’s a natural reaction for some – especially those who have an Internal pattern of motivation as described in Behaviour Bite # 29. A neat way to reduce this resistance is to first ‘go to where they are’, in other words understand their point of view, before making your request or giving your instruction. It might go like this.
Let’s go to the park
I don’t want to go.
[go where they are] “I realize that you don’t want to go at the moment,” [then suggest what you want] “but what would it be like if you did want to go?”.
Sometimes going where they are [or acknowledging their position] and discussing it a bit enables us to see where the resistance comes from. If we know what’s behind the resistance we may be able to get round it.
Would you go to the mouth of the cave and see if you can see the bear?
I’m too scared.
So you feel too scared at the moment
It can be a bit scary can’t it?
I wonder what makes it scary for you?
Oh it’s because its dark.
What if we took a torch? Might that help do you think?
Shall we give it a try?
No guarantees with this of course but I have found that taking time in this way and giving credence to the anxiety or resistance often dissolves it.