“Don’t Inter...

In Part Two of “Don’t interrupt me dear” I continue the theme explored last month.

One kind of interruption that is particularly common is the one where someone finishes another person’s sentence for them.  Nancy Kline [writer of the amazing book “Time To Think”] is not at all complimentary about that.  In finishing someone’s sentence, she says, we are assuming:

1. they cannot finish it themselves before the world ends
2. that our words will be their words – or better
3. it won’t hurt them if we interrupt, and
4. waiting another giga-second for them to finish will irreparably damage us

She goes on to describe how allowing people to finish actually saves time, in meetings, during personal conversations any in any human interaction.  At the first opportunity I had after reading about this I tried it out.  It works.

Last week our theatre company ran a week-long residency with a school.  This involved a lengthy planning session each day after the students had gone home.  This process can take a long time, because 5 people have 5 sets of ideas about how we can proceed.  What we did was introduce the 3 minute listening rule outlined in “Time to Think”.  It works like this.

1. A point for discussion is agreed.  – in our case last week “What do you think we should so with the students tomorrow?”
2. Each person then has 3 minutes to answer the question.  During this 3 minutes, which is accurately timed, no-one interrupts for any reason at all.  One person can take notes if you like.
3. at the end the group check if enough information has been gathered.  If not then another 3 minutes (or any other agreed period) is allocated.

I found it a magical experience.  As Kline says to be interrupted is not good.  To not be interrupted is better.  To know for certain that you will not be interrupted is categorically different.  The process was better for me when I was speaking, as I knew that I could pause while I articulated a thought to myself before sharing it, without fear of losing my turn.  I was also better able to listen, as I did not have to comment, or sound wise, or supportive or anything else.  I could just listen.  Maybe best of all was the fact that in less than 15 minutes (not everyone used all of their allocation) we all had a clear picture of where everyone’s thinking was.  As it happened we usually found we were in agreement.

I will finish with a powerful quote from the book:  “The fact that people have stopped speaking does not mean that they have stopped thinking. …. When people are quiet in this way, they are busy.  They are off on a solitary ‘walk’. … Their ‘walk’ is of high quality exactly because they know you are waiting while they are ‘gone’.  This is a privileged moment for you: don’t ruin it. … Neither the person nor the quiet needs rescuing.  They need attention only.”

Or as my grandmother used to say “Don’t interrupt me dear”.